Quotes From A Half Asleep Boyfriend

You missed the opening, but it was awesome. It was like a Wall Street thing but with a duck. S-E-C-K-E-R. Sucker!

Everyone knows that the panda is the smartest person in the room right now.

I know! They used to pay the Native Americans in beads. Why don’t they pay the Republicans in beads of violence? Or beads of crapping on you?

Let’s just do it right the first time and not make any mistakes!

I think he expected everyone to be high… And I think he was right.

It’s time that I woke up and joined the reality bunch.

Oh, it was nothing. Don’t listen to it. It’s just bubbly ginger ale!

Now this dickwad is missing one less high school softball coach.

You’ve woken me up 3 times since I woke up!